There are so many reasons to hate Christmas, and it's all been bubbling under in a river of agony which I shall now spew forth like so much projectile vomiting.
Firstly, lets address the sheer money draining, soul dissolving commericality of it all. Every time I fucking blink I seem to be under some sort of pressure to spend money in the name of festive spirit. It's not the presents for friends and family, that I don't mind. It's all the other shite, like a party every 30 fucking seconds to celebrate the son of a god I don't believe in. And Secret Santa. I've only been in my current temp job for a week nad I'm already expected to buy a present for someone who I've barely met, which is pressure indeed. Especially since whenever my brain addresses the issue, the evil part of my brain can't help but think 'Two foot long dildo'.
Then there's the abandonment of any sense of decency. As well as all of the proles spending the money that would be better spent on some vegetables for their rickets-ridden offspring on enough lights to burn out an entire city's retinas, it seems that every drooling moron in the street thinks it's appropriate to cover themselves in tinsel and santa hats. Like they're desperate to show the world how much fun they're having by living every day of december like a pantomime. It's also this time of year that you could walk down princes street naked, covered in a thick film of sewage yelling 'I have SARS' and people will still violate your personal space in the interest of getting into BHS more quickly to buy some chocolate penises for their ugly spouse.
Christmas music. It's like someone's firing diahorrea directly into my ear canals everywhere I go. You can hear the performers scraping a smile onto their face as they groan their way through yet another forced celebration of mankind's loveliness, knowing that within minutes they'll be mainlining donkey valium to numb themselves from the horror of it all. Last year's 'Band Aid' effort, whilst no doubt for a good cause is a particular case in point. Do they know it's Christmas? Well, what with Sudan being largely Muslim, I certainly doubt they give a flying fuck. And anything involving Bono should be erased from the memory of our species.
That's enough for now. Enjoy your mince pies.
